How many times have you promised yourself to start a new life: lose some extra pounds, learn a foreign language, start jogging or meditate every morning? How many times did you fail in this? How many times we all fail in achieving our goals? According to statistics, only a small percentage of people (from 3% to 8%) are able to have a clear focus on what they want and easily get it.
So why are most of the people’s targets already dead at the beginning of the track? At first, we have to realise what hidden benefit you have while not achieving your goal.
Remember, there is no laziness, apathy, and idleness. As usual, if you set your month or new year's goals but don't do anything to be better, to be smarter, reacher, healthier, you definitely have some unconscious reasons for that. Before you find them, any time you promise yourself to accomplish some tops, you’ll fail. After these unsuccessful attempts, you will feel guilty, miserable, weak. Again and again.
There are some real reasons to miss desirable goals to fail you always have in your own The real reasons are in your subconscious. Until you Realise it, it will have total control over your activity.These reasons are called Hidden benefits. So what are these powerful Hidden benefits which rule your internal decisions?
Hidden (or secondary benefits) - it’s a psychological term, which means additional benefits that a person subconsciously extracts from some unpleasant trouble that has arisen. To simplify, we can say that a secondary benefit is a specific conditional benefit that a person receives from having a problem, a reason hidden from the consciousness that keeps the problem in life.
Examples of secondary benefits:
- No money - no need to think about how to save it, to understand investments.
- To be fat - you can explain your loneliness.
- No relationship - no need to get the risk of being in a close relationship.
- No family - no household troubles, it is calmer.
- To stay ill - the opportunity to behave like a child.
Or some simple explanations like: if the extra weight goes away, you will have to change your wardrobe, and shopping is torture, and there is no extra money for this.Some secondary benefits can go away as you become aware of them. But more often than not, deep work is needed to deal with them. After all, there are internal conflicts and psychological trauma behind the hidden benefits. At first, just figure out what benefits you have while you don't move to your targets. You can figure it out by asking the following questions:
- Why do you need this?
- What will it bring to you?
Take a list of pleasant things you will have in your life, if you don’t reach your goals. Realise it. Make a note and after that, give yourself time.Your brain needs time to accept it, and only after that to generate ideas about how to deal with it. Here we would like to provide you with some following steps that will help you to stick to the plan.
After realising at what exact point you are, you have to get a detailed picture of what you can do with it. Some shortcuts can help you. The main part is already behind: first time in your life, you asked yourself honestly. And you answered honestly. It should be a ground for the following technique of achieving and being successful.So, you have a clear goal and some explanations for yourself about what extra benefits you have without reaching this goal. You have found yourself in the “quo status” - an existing condition or state of affairs.
At this point, you need to find out what other things or activities can replace the source of your hidden benefits. What can help you to deal with your needs and at the same time not to fail your goals. For example, you desire to lose some weight: to be attractive and to be more confident. You have asked yourself, “What if I don’t reach my target? What benefits do I have?” For example, by having some extra weight and eating unhealthy high calorie and high carbon foods, you have a simple approach to joy and pleasure. At this step, please consider what other ways you can satisfy these needs—for example, having a massage several times a week, speaking to your close friends more often, taking a dog and walking with it. Anything you like and what makes you happy. It can be some simple things, but it has become a net of new actions to satisfy your hidden need.
This system has to become a part of your life.
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And only after that, look again at your goal and decompose it into as many tasks as possible. It’s easier for your brain to force you to act when there are already basic and simple tasks and no need to put extra effort into it. To have it in a plain and neat scheme at your hand would be a good helper on your complicated but exciting path.
